A smile in the mind...

I was sitting in bed this morning reflecting on amusing things about church and one of them surely has to be Spirit-led dance. This is not the excellent dance of the dance teams up front or a criticism of anyone in particular at all, it is merely an observation of the ordinary bod (catergorised below), whom God loves and smiles over... Unsurprisingly....

The Baby Swinger:

This move is most often and best performed by a middle-aged woman wearing a home-made floral dress (classic Vogue/Butterick pattern design, you know the one I mean?) with extra 'swoosh' down yonder. Her slightly, well, 'organic' legs manifest themselves through grey tights which are of course accompanied by open-toed sandals. She usually has good wholesome sized feet as well. with her face turned skyward, she smiles ecstatically to the Lord with one arm in the air and starts to perform a motion that takes place almost entirely in the lower body. Her upper torso changes direction with the swing, but it is as if a baby has grown inside her womb which is acting like part of a Newton's cradle. The movement is entirely in the bottom, which does its own dance from side to side in a weighted swinging mode, whilst feet stay firmly rooted on the ground.

The Bottom Jiggler:

A very common move, prevalent in twenty-somethings and young professionals, male and female alike. They have their eyes shut and faces turned slightly upwards. Their fingers are in their pockets but the thumbs rest on top. Their bottoms jiggle uncontrollably in time (or not) to the music.

The Middle Magnet:

This is a more rare and highly embarrassing move, performed occasionally by the parents of young children. It is as if two strong magnetic fields exist in front and behind this person's groin, causing them to swing backwards and forwards with their hands in their pockets and an expression of agony on their face.

The Incessant Tapper:

This is the one who is full of British reserve and cannot quite bring him/herself to clap or jiggle... They solemnly tap their foot, looking incredibly self-conscious but with that curled up 'pout meets hoover' look on their face to show that they are actually cool so this kind of thing is allowed.

The Chair Drummer:

This is the one who sits behind you thumping the back of your chair (usually out of time) as their contribution to the worship, whilst singing loudly and enthusiastically.

The 'Godzilla Out Of Swamp':

A unique manoevure, reserved for the prophetic dancers. Occasionally someone might get down on one knee, cover their fist humbly with the palm of their hand and look to the floor. Then all of a sudden their face is flung heavenwards, the fist starts to emerge and slowly becomes a monstrous hand, open to the skies to receive good things, whilst the other hand grips the arm.

and finally...

The Pigeons:

Most of the congregation fit this description, as when the music starts, if you look from the back, you will see simultaneous bobbing of heads in time to the music.

Don't you just love church? The Lord does and has made us all so different. I came across a great design book called 'A Smile in the Mind' and I thought of how that is exactly what happens to you sometimes when you notice something nice but kind of amusing too. I wonder if the Lord has a smile in the mind when he looks at His church :-)